indifferent, now.

Dear World,

I've had an interesting and turbulent weekend. Friday started out pretty good, I went to my aunts wedding and got to see my two darling cousins that I haven't seen in years, and probably won't be seeing for awhile. This already struck me as sad because when I was a kid, I stuck to them like glue. I hung out with them all the time, and when I saw them, I realized how different they are. How old they were. And I didn't know them at all. I couldn't even think of what I could say that would strike up a conversation. Depressing, but not overly so. I just stood beside them, and that was good enough for me because I missed them so damn much.
I really need to go visit them someday.
Then, I went to Josh's apartment. I was supposed to be spending the night, but I was ditched there on my own. I don't think many people know why I was so panicked. And I think it's better that way. But anyway, there I was, panicking and frantic, and called my parents to come pick me up. They did so, and I came home. It was on this day that I realized who my friends weren't, not you Kim, but someone else who left me high and dry.
Yesterday was the emo day for me. The day when I was alone all day, spoke to no one at all, and watched documentaries on people who had achieved something. All skinny, perfect people who claimed had hard times being popular all through school. I am none of the above.

Anyway, I am not exactly a happy camper today. For those of you that care, which is no one, I feel a need to give up all efforts at being different. I've said this before, and it's already gotten the ball rolling. I want to be stronger, I want to be perfect, and even though I know this is a tiring game that will inevitably lead me to seek out more people who will care and later give up on me, I'm not so sure I don't want to do this.
I'm one of those teenagers I think are so stupid.

Ah geez.